


Inflection Point

by dmajor7th



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Like a Prayer, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 21:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11975244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmajor7th/pseuds/dmajor7th
Summary: He is… not sure how to handle this. The solution of hiding in the bathroom every recess for a year, as he did in 4th grade whenever Kaylee Stephens passed him heart-scribbled notes, is not applicable in this situation.Richard reflects on Jared's reverence.





	Inflection Point

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to [anactoriatalksback](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anactoriatalksback/pseuds/anactoriatalksback) and [Asimiento](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimiento/pseuds/Asimiento) for beta'ing!

* * *

 

He often wished his obliviousness to the interest of others wasn’t born of his opinion that no one sane would take interest in him. Thus any time he found himself picking up on the signals -  the seemingly throwaway glances, the brightened greetings, the little gestures that seem not necessary but certainly well timed and _nice_ \- there was always that moment, that internal pause of _oh_.  
  
Someone whom he never thought of in that way before (beyond the compulsory and perfunctory hotness score any normal guy gives a girl), who was filed under the box of Colleague, Friend or Otherwise Unattainable, was someone he wouldn't let himself entertain thoughts about. He would focus on his work, his projects, what was in front of him, because _why waste time in putting that energy elsewhere?_  
  
So when it is brought to his attention that someone is thinking of him outside of whatever context they are obliged to interact with him, his ears prick and he gets that funny _tingling_ on his neck and he follows the lead because _when does this ever happen_ ? He almost certainly finds himself in a state of a possible mutual interest simply because someone decides he is worth their time, so perhaps they are worth his? Why turn away an opportunity that might, for once, not be a prank or a lie or something that will inevitably reaffirm what is obvious about his objective unattractiveness. If it will all go wrong anyway then why bother, but also why _not_ bother because who knows and he knows he’s lying to himself when he says the attention is anything other than really fucking nice.  
  
Sometimes the attention is unrequited, but that doesn’t mean it’s unwanted, even if it’s definitely undeserved. He knows pursuing something with someone taken, whom he works with, or who god forbid uses _spaces_ is a recipe for making what he will inevitably fuck up more of a car crash than his heart can cope with. Still, even if he knows that pursuing that avenue would be like abseiling without a rope, he still finds his heart racing at the prospect that someone should want to spend time with him.  
  
Of course someone had to point out to him what was so luminously obvious to all and sundry. He wonders if he knew all along but just didn’t want to admit it to himself, because he’s not gay, and college was, you know, college, and his dorm room felt hollow and empty and maybe if he’d had majored in some lame arts subject he might have gotten actually laid more, but when you do Computer Science and everyone is just like you you take what you can get, right?  
  
He is… not sure how to handle this. The solution of hiding in the bathroom every recess for a year, as he did in 4th grade whenever Kaylee Stephens passed him heart-scribbled notes, is not applicable in this situation.  
  
He thinks of the employee handbook, the very handbook that Jared wrote, and it’s prohibitions on collegial intimacy, and wonders if Jared wrote that not for Pied Piper but for himself.  
  
Richard is not gay. You only need check his search history to prove it. He would never look at Jared, at any guy like that, but   _jesus_ being practically worshipped by every fibre of someone’s being, every molecule of their energy, to be thought of like the sun and the leader and practically the holy spirit - it’s, well, it’s…  
  
It’s fucking creepy, that’s what it is. Richard has no time for spiritual weird stuff, this reverential veneration like he’s some kind of god because he’s not _Gavin fucking Belson_ , he’s not trying to start a cult, he’s trying to make the world a better place and here is this guy who treats him in a way that no one ever has and how he’s always wanted to be.  
  
It’s the eyes Richard can’t stand because they say so much, say everything he’s ever wanted to hear. _I love you unconditionally, to the end of the universe. I will throw myself into a black hole, a vortex of the unknown to pave a path of safety and hope for you. Every shred, every ounce, every atom of my being I devote to making you feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit less alone in this dark, empty chaos that is the unknown. I believe in you Richard Hendricks, I believe in you even when you don’t and when you’ve failed again and even when you’re on the cusp of total collapse. I will hold you up like you are the World and I am Atlas and will use every last bit of strength I have to stop you sinking into the quicksand that is your own self destruction._  
  
“Richard?” A soft voice, a tap on the shoulder, from both of which Richard recoils from. He shakes his head and wakes from his daze.  
  
Jared retracts his hand like a serf who has acted beyond his place. “I’m sorry I disturbed you Richard. I have that Benchmarking Report you asked for.” Jared holds out the papers.  
  
But Richard doesn’t hear that, because he looks at those eyes, those concerned knitted brows, the quiet held breath of Jared waiting for a response. He sees it again. _I live for you and I will die for you. You are my alpha and my omega, my hope and saviour, you are the vessel I place my faith in and I know that without you I am nothing._  
  
Richard’s heart is pounding not because of how intense this feels, not because this might just be the very person who truly taps into every need he’s never had met, who would put him above anything and hold him in hope and faith and keep him warm, but because… because it’s just too weird and how could he ever hope to not fail someone with such intense devotion, such love, such utter selflessness?  
  
“Err, thanks Jared”. He sputters.  
  
“Is everything alright, Richard?” Jared’s tone is soft and concerned.  
  
_I would only let you down, please don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this do yourself_.

“Err, yeah, thanks. Just, you know, busy, kinda need to sleep too but you know this is, like, important.” Richard didn’t know his knuckles could feel tense.  
  
“Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?”  
  
_Save yourself._  
  
“No no, I’m good thanks.” he replies, his best attempt at placation.  
  
“Alright My Captain. If there’s anything you want you only need but beckon and I will answer your call.” And Jared fucking _salutes_.  
  
Richard’s mouth gives a twisted, awkward cringe-smile as he mutters “Dismissed.” Jared walks back into the kitchen and Richard’s heart doesn’t slow down for quite some time.


End file.
